Book Review: How Not to Die Alone

So I recently read How Not to Die Alone by Logan Ury — and I have to say, it’s one of the few dating books that didn’t make me roll my eyes within the first 10 pages.

In fact, it was kind of the opposite. It felt like a smart friend gently sitting you down and saying, “Hey… maybe it’s not them. Maybe it’s you.” And weirdly, that’s incredibly comforting.

Most dating advice either feels overly fluffy (“just be yourself!”) or painfully tactical (“text back in 2 hours, not 1”). But Logan Ury is a behavioral scientist, so she brings a totally different vibe. She approaches dating like a life design challenge — like building a startup, but the product is your love life.

Instead of just telling you what to do, she helps you figure out why you date the way you do, what’s getting in your way, and how to stop self-sabotaging.

She says most of us fall into one of three traps:

• The Romanticizer – dreaming of a fairy-tale relationship and ghosting at the first sign of effort.

• The Maximizer – constantly searching for “the perfect person” and overanalyzing every option.

• The Hesitater – always waiting until they’re “ready,” but never quite starting.

Guilty? Yeah. Same.

So here’s my favorite takeaways from the book.

1. You don’t find love, you build it.
   We’re told to wait for “the spark” — but Ury makes a great case that lasting relationships come from shared values, consistent effort, and mutual growth. Chemistry can grow. Love is a verb.

2. Go on the second date.
   Ury says most people are too quick to dismiss. Unless there’s a red flag, give people a second (or third) chance. Attraction isn’t always instant — sometimes it builds slowly and deeply.

3. Date like a scientist.
   Instead of “feeling it out,” Ury suggests setting up dating experiments. Treat it like learning any other skill — test hypotheses, gather data, iterate. This takes so much pressure off and actually makes dating kind of… fun?

So, if you’re:

• Tired of modern dating

• Curious about how behavioral science applies to love

• Willing to reflect and grow

…then you’ll probably get a lot out of this. Especially if, like me, you enjoy turning emotional stuff into practical frameworks.

I think a lot of us approach dating like a passive process — we wait to meet “the one,” we swipe endlessly, we hope the stars align. What How Not to Die Alone does so well is shift that mindset. It says: you can learn how to be better at love. And it’s not rocket science — it’s just psychology, self-awareness, and a bit of courage.

It’s not a book about chasing people. It’s a book about showing up — fully, honestly, and intentionally — and giving real connection a fighting chance.

Would I recommend it? Absolutely. Especially if you’re the kind of person who likes actionable advice, thoughtful frameworks, and a bit of tough love (in the kindest possible way).